Lifestylex3
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Featured Guests
  • Life & Family
  • Health & Beauty
  • Recipes

Lifestylex3

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Featured Guests
  • Life & Family
  • Health & Beauty
  • Recipes
Monthly Archives

February 2019

Recovering from an Eating Disorder –  Lisette’s Story
Featured Guests

Recovering from an Eating Disorder – Lisette’s Story

by Laura February 25, 2019
written by Laura

This week's blog has been in high anticipation for me since it is our first guest feature. For National Eating Disorder Awareness week I wanted to highlight my friend, Lisette. I've asked her to share her story will all of us. There are multiple ways that you can follow Lisette.

Here are links to her website, Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest. She also writes articles for Recovery Warriors

Lisette's Story:

The moment a tablespoon of peanut butter reduced me to tears is etched permanently into my memory.  My heart raced and tears streamed down my face. I stared at that peanut butter and was paralyzed with anxiety.  Time stood still while that single serving tub of peanut butter taunted me from the cold sterile table. Across from me sat a clinician with an empathetic but stern expression.  “Eat the peanut butter” she prodded gently. Next to the peanut butter sat a single package of saltine crackers. The only thing I could imagine worse than eating this peanut butter would be eating it along WITH crackers. How could she possibly expect me to do either?  I tried to will my mouth to open and my throat to swallow, but at that moment, walking straight into a fire seemed easier than eating one tablespoon of peanut butter. With a mixture of emotions storming inside of my head, I went from feeling rage, to shame, to terror within seconds.   And then I felt all three at once. It was the first time I acknowledged that maybe… just maybe…. I DID belong right there in the eating disorder treatment center I had been admitted to that morning. But I still wasn’t sure. I was not like the girls I had seen in after-school specials and talk shows.  They were emaciated teenagers training for the Olympics and dealing with abuse. I was a 22-year-old graduate student from a happy home, working on a Master’s degree in Psychology (of all things). I felt like a hypocrite; how could I possibly help others with mental illness when I was unable to tackle one of the most basic life skills- simply feeding myself.  I was reduced to tears by a tablespoon of peanut butter. And at that moment, nothing seemed more daunting than the task of swallowing it.

Because to me, it was not just peanut butter; it was everything.  It was fat, and calories, and weight gain, and it represented me losing control.  It could unravel everything I had pushed through so far. In my sick and malnourished brain, eating that tablespoon of peanut butter meant I was giving up.  And that I was a failure. It would confirm what I already feared deep in my bones: I was lazy, unlovable, horrible, fat, worthless, and disgusting. And if I let myself have one tablespoon of peanut butter- I was afraid I would eat another, and another, and another.  I would eat every tablespoon of peanut butter I could find because I would never be able to stop. I wanted to eat it and yet I never wanted to see peanut butter again. I wanted it and I hated it equally. In a twisted way, the only thing that made me feel better about myself was denying myself.  I felt crazy. And I could not open my mouth.

Obviously, I was in a very dark place. And it wasn’t just peanut butter; I had become afraid of all food. One by one, my favorite things were forbidden as I deemed them “unhealthy”.  The smaller my body got, the worse my feelings of anxiety, unworthiness, and failure grew. The more I shrunk my body, the less clearly I was able to see myself or the world around me.  And the harder it seemed to find my way out of the darkness. I was consumed by the disorder.

"...the biggest travesty was the devastation happening to my soul."

The day a tablespoon of peanut butter held me hostage was over twenty years ago.  I wish I could say that I stepped on the path of recovery that day and never turned back. But my recovery from anorexia and bulimia has been a very long and winding journey with many ups and many more downs.  The details and specifics of my path do not matter. The number of pounds I lost or gained over the years and the symptoms and behaviors I vacillated between are not important. What does matter is my life revolved around what I ate, what I didn’t eat, what I was going to eat, what I “shouldn’t” eat, and what I was going to do about what I ate or didn’t eat.  I was obsessed with calories and food and exercises and the numbers on a scale and my pants. All the while, as I lost weight, it was never, ever enough. As my body got smaller, so did my world, my perspective, my connections with others, my ability to see clearly, the ability to be present in my life and the ability to feel joy. I was physically damaging my body, but the biggest travesty was the devastation happening to my soul.

For more than two decades and over half my life, I struggled.  I saw therapists and nutritionists and returned to partial hospitalization treatment programs two more times.  My weight was “restored” and lost again, restored again and lost again. A few times I found what I believed was “recovery” and yet it was never on solid ground. In this “middle” place of “recovery”, I was no longer visibly underweight.  Yet I continued living in a prison in my head, engaging in very unhealthy behaviors, and obsessing about my body, size, weight, exercise, and food. I think I fooled those around me into believing I was “ok.” I know I fooled myself. This version of “recovery” was not lasting though, because any time I encountered life stressors (good or bad) I relapsed.  Eventually, I wondered if I would ever recover. If I could ever recover.  At my best, I was living a very restricted life where I constantly and carefully watched my food and exercise. I focused more on what people thought of me than I did on my own heart.  At my worst, I was secretly engaging repeatedly in harmful behaviors feeling unable to stop while ignoring my relationships. I hated myself, dreaded waking up in the morning, and felt hopeless and alone.

One of the worst times came surprisingly after my third son was born.  Postpartum depression was the nudge that pushed me off the diving board back into the sea of my eating disorder.  I quickly found myself drowning. I had the life I dreamt of- an amazing husband, three healthy children, and the luxury of being a stay at home mom- and yet I wanted to run away.  Worse, I wanted to give up on myself and on life. And yet with the darkest time in my life came one of the greatest gifts. Because it was the catalyst I needed to make REAL, lasting and healing changes.  On my knees, I was broken and finally painfully honest with myself. At that moment I was able to open myself up to ask for and receive help. And to do it in a new way.

"Recovery was about learning to feed myself again both physically and spiritually."

Recovery was terrifying, humbling, and challenging in ways I didn’t even know possible. It demanded I let go my old thought patterns and irrational beliefs and stop caring what others thought of me. It meant facing my biggest fears and greatest anxieties every single day, three times a day- plus snacks.  It meant surrendering to a treatment team and trusting that for the moment they knew more than I did. It meant understanding I was not seeing clearly while believing I would eventually learn to trust myself. It required me to connect with my higher power and to ask for and accept help. Recovery was about learning to feed myself again both physically and spiritually.  It meant going against society and making myself a priority over my children and husband. I had to make myself a priority when I did not even feel worthy of it. I didn’t even feel worthy of a tablespoon of peanut butter.

"Ultimately to be free I had to reject the diet culture..."

Gradually I learned life-changing skills including self-compassion, mindfulness, practicing gratitude, and how to say NO.  I practiced sitting with discomfort- both physical and emotional. I learned that life is messy and finding the beauty within the chaos is everything.  And I opened my mind and educated myself on the science behind dieting and weight. Learning about Health At Every Size gave me the ammunition I needed to fight diet culture head on.  I listened to countless podcasts, read articles and books, and connected with other warriors also fighting this battle. Ultimately to be free I had to reject the diet culture that is so pervasive we all swim unknowingly in it. I had to let go of ever trying to control my body’s shape and size again. No matter how tempted I was.

Because of my shame and the stigma surrounding mental health, I silently forged through my recovery without telling anyone in my life except a few very close friends.  In a world where women bond over their latest diets, “cleanses” and exercise routines, learning to accept my changing body was counter culture. I was no longer comfortable joining into the constant conversations my friends had about which body parts they needed to change, how much weight they had gained, or what food was “so bad for you.”  And at times it was very lonely. Somewhere along the journey, I found my voice and learned that sharing myself authentically and unabashedly can not only decrease stigma and hopefully helps others, but it also sets me free.

"It reminds me that recovery is worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears."

This week, two of my boys asked for sandwiches for lunch.  Among the cacophony of their giggles and clatter, I tried to simultaneously make lunches, answer a text, and avoid tripping over the four-year-old clinging to my leg.  While cleaning up, without a second thought, I pulled the knife out of the jar and licked off the excess peanut butter. It was probably a tablespoon worth. Maybe more. And at that moment I knew: I was letting go of my eating disorder.  Because finally, peanut butter was once again just that - peanut butter. It held no power over me. It almost seems like a different life when a tablespoon of peanut butter reduced me to tears. And yet it seems like yesterday. It reminds me that recovery is worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears.  And that is never too late to choose recovery.

If you or someone you love is struggling please understand eating disorders are complicated, overwhelming, and dangerous.  They are about so much more than food and weight and you can NOT tell how someone is doing in their recovery simply by their weight or appearance.  Untouched and hidden by shame, eating disorders can fester and grow. However, true real lasting recovery IS possible and one day peanut butter can return to just being peanut butter.

February 25, 2019 2 comments
2 FacebookTwitterGoogle +Pinterest
Red Light Therapy for Anti-Aging
Health & Beauty

Red Light Therapy for Anti-Aging

by Laura February 18, 2019
written by Laura

Heads up: This post contains affiliate links. If you buy something through one of the links, you won’t pay a penny more, but I’ll get a commission, which keeps the tips flowing your way. Thanks!

Have you heard the buzz about Red Light therapy? It can be used to treat many different issues, but I am going to focus on the incredible anti-aging benefits it has for your skin.

Red Light Therapy combines red and infrared light. So, what does that mean? Obviously light is not a new technology. I will get a little scientific so bear with me.  Infrared is the level of light below red in the spectrum and is invisible to the human eye. It was discovered in the early 19th century. Red light is a visible light in the spectrum and has shorter wavelengths than infrared. Because of the two different wave lengths, they penetrate your skin at different levels and combined, they are a skin rejuvenating powerhouse.

NASA started using red light therapy in space to grow plants and then to heal astronauts’ wounds. Moving on the beauty industry, red and infrared light, used as a team, will boost elastin, accelerate the growth of healthy skin and produce more collagen, which in turn, reduces lines and wrinkles. The infrared light penetrates below the dermis and stimulates collagen production and essentially pushes the wrinkles up for smoother skin!

Other benefits:

Red light therapy is completely non-invasive. It does NOT contain UV light so it will NOT damage the DNA in your skin.

Due to the use of LEDs (Light emitting diodes) the therapy is heatless

The red light stimulates the surface blood flow and increases the effectiveness of topicals used after the therapy

While, there are centers that offer the Red Light therapy, they are expensive and are not the comfort of your own home. The product that I use and recommend is the LED Red and Infrared mask from Retro Co. It is FDA cleared to remove wrinkles and is approved for home use. It is a UV-free technology using red and infrared LEDs. Because Retro Co is so confident in their products, they offer a 60 day love it guarantee. They offer a full size, L.E.D. Fast Facial Mask (my favorite) as well as an , which focuses more on your forehead and the space between your eyebrows.

Check out these before and after photos!

Disclaimer: This article is filled with my own thoughts through my own research and were not provided to me by Retro Co.

February 18, 2019 0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterGoogle +Pinterest
Recipes

Swirl Shortbread Cookies

by Laura February 12, 2019
written by Laura

Swirl Shortbread Cookies

Laura
There is something timeless about buttery shortbread cookies. I wanted to put a little twist on the standard. Swirling the traditional dough with a chocolate dough adds a something special to the classic.
5 from 1 vote
Print Recipe Pin Recipe
Prep Time 15 mins
Cook Time 12 mins
Total Time 27 mins
Course Dessert
Cuisine American
Servings 30 cookies

Ingredients
  

  • 1-1/2 Cups Unsalted Butter Softened
  • 3/4 Cup Powdered Sugar
  • 3 Cups All Purpose Flour
  • 1 Pinch Salt
  • 1/4 Cup Mini Chocolate Chips
  • 1-1/2 TBSP Cocoa Powder

Instructions
 

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 
    Cream butter and sugar in a stand mixer with the paddle attachment. Add salt then flour in 2 batches. Mix until dough comes together. Sprinkle powdered sugar on your rolling surface. I use powdered sugar in this recipe vs flour to keep the dough from sticking. Remove half of the dough from mixing bowl and place on your rolling surface. Add chocolate chips and cocoa powder to the remaining dough. Mix until evening combined. Place chocolate dough on rolling surface. 
  • Divide each dough in half and roll into long "snakes". It is okay if on is a little longer than the other.
  • Curl the two dough "snakes" together.
  • Use a rolling pin and roll the dough to about 1/4" thickness. If you like your cookies a little thicker, you can go up to a 1/2". You will just need a little longer baking time. Use a cookie cutter of your choice to cut out your shapes.
  • Bake for 12-14 minutes on parchment paper or a silpat. Let cool for 5-10 minutes on the sheet pan before moving to a cooling rack. Store in an airtight container for up to a week. 
Keyword Cookies, Shortbread

February 12, 2019 1 comment
1 FacebookTwitterGoogle +Pinterest
Love at First Sight
Life & Family

Love at First Sight

by Laura February 11, 2019
written by Laura

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Take it or leave it? It is a holiday that I have never really liked. When I was younger it always made me anxious because either my expectations were out of whack or I was so shy I didn’t want anyone ask me if I had a boyfriend or liked a boy.

 

As far as the hubs, we would rather have a date night when restaurants aren’t so busy. We typically go out a few nights before or after the holiday rush. What gal doesn’t like flowers, but I love getting them randomly as a surprise not when they are expected. Am I weird?

 

In honor of the season and because we are so boring, I will tell you about the first time I saw my husband, David.

 

I was a junior in college and decided to spend the summer at home. My dad helped me line up an architectural intern position at a local firm.

It was my first day and my manager, who ended up being a mentor for almost a decade, called me into his office to debrief about the day. I remember being so sleepy and just wanting to go home.

Then, I looked out the window and saw this gorgeous guy getting into his car. In my head I was thinking that I must somehow figure out how to meet this guy. He must work somewhere in the 5-story building...

Look at these babies! One of our first pictures together. Fall 2006

Keep in mind that I am (was) painfully shy, and this kind of thought had never gone through my head before.

 

Two days later I walk into the break room and come face to face with the same tall, dark curly headed, blue eyed hunk I spotted out the window. How could I be so lucky? He works in my office? Of course, I froze and can’t remember if we even spoke to each other, but for me, it was love at first sight.

We were ALMOST engaged! January 2007

About 2 weeks later after a few office group activities he asked me out on our first date!! I won’t bore you with all the details, but we dated for the summer and then went our separate ways. We both had a lot of growing up to do and we eventually found our way back to each other. Unbeknownst to either of us until years later, we each told someone close to use that we would eventually get married.

A favorite picture from our wedding. It was our "First Sight". May 2008

We got married 6 years after we first met. He will always be the love of my life and takes amazing care of our family, but it is not always sunshine and roses.

Our honeymoon May 2008

How did you meet your significant other? Was it love at first sight? Do you have any fun traditions for Valentine’s Day?

February 11, 2019 0 comment
1 FacebookTwitterGoogle +Pinterest
Value
Life & Family

Value

by Laura February 4, 2019
written by Laura

This is the second year that I have come up with my “Word of the Year”. I have shared with you that my word for 2018 was “Balance” and my problems with it as we approached the fall. Because of my recent fail, I was on the fence about having a word define my year and intentions for a whole 365 days. Then the perfect word hit me! VALUE! Yes, I love it, and I’ll tell you why.

You are valuable, I am valuable, our time is valuable, and we deserve for everyone to recognize this. 

I even ordered an engraved bracelet to remind me on a daily basis.

Value for my kids

The biggest, most important job I will ever hold is raising my kiddos and making them into upstanding members of society. They need my love, time and attention. Daily valuable time is necessary.

Value for you

This blog is for you! You need to find value in my tips, tricks, recipes and overall support. Please let me know what value you are looking for from me.

My time is valuable

Because I want to be present for my kids, my work day is typically 9:30-2:00 three days a week. Sometimes I can sneak in a little work between when my two oldest go to school before my babe wakes up. The afternoon is dedicated to them and completely slips away with snacks, homework, after school activities and dinner. When I was a mom of 2, I could stay up until 11 each night and complete household tasks. When my third was born, that all went out the window. I am exhausted by the time the kids go to bed. It is so important to do things of high value the 4 hours of quiet time I have during the day.

Value for my family

We are going on 8 years of me being a stay at home mom. While there is no doubt that I have always created value for my family, this year I will provide more monetary value for the household. It’s time for this mama to have a new car. I love my car because it is spacious, comfortable and safe, but she is not so pretty anymore and is ready to retire. Me paying for another car is a goal for 2019.

I need value in return

It seems that I say “Yes” way too much. I want to be at every vendor event, mastermind, networking event and training that I can get my hands on these days. Can you tell that I have major issues with FOMO? I love meeting new people and learning as much as can about them. Truth is: not all these events are created equal. This year I will spend more time researching events that I attend and making sure that they are high value.

Having a word bring me back into focus when I go astray. Do you have a word for the year? I would love to hear it.

February 4, 2019 2 comments
0 FacebookTwitterGoogle +Pinterest

Recent Posts

  • Asiago Artisan Bread
  • Potato and Cheese Soup
  • Cheese Drop Biscuits

Archives

  • September 2020
  • November 2019
  • June 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018

About Me

About Me

Writer

My name is Laura White and I'm a momprenuer with a passion for inspiring women and families be their best selves through sharing tips, tricks and incredible products

Keep in touch

Facebook Instagram Pinterest Email

Instagram Corner

No images found!
Try some other hashtag or username

Categories

@2017 - PenciDesign. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top